Let's be honest that I'm probably going to hell for this blog title. But come on! Assisi? My inner 7th grade self just couldn't resist.
So it's hot here in Naples. And everyone's gone. And I wanted to be gone too. Our apartment is stagnantly hot. It's miserably hot. There's that weird smell of hot things probably spoiling around me, the source of which is less important to me than the idea of sitting within inches of a fan's rotating blades. With all of that in mind, we packed up the Civic and headed north to Umbria, which was equally hot, so perhaps that wasn't our best plan BUT there was crazy effective AC running in the B&B where we stayed, so va bene!
Totally unrelated to Assisi but, as I was drying my hair on the world's least efficient hair dryer at our B&B, I'm not ashamed to say that I mused. And mused and mused. I had recently read an article about the Spice Girls defining our generation on HuffPo, my go-to source for celebrity gossip (which I openly refer to as "the news"), and fancied that if this chick could get published writing about the Spice Girls that I certainly had career potential in the online writing world. (I mean, at some point in time I'll end up getting more than 36 followers, I hope. Not that I don't appreciate every single one of you who continue to read my mindless drabble each passing week(ish)) BUT ANYWAY! There I was, using this horrifically slow hair dryer and thinking about how it looked like a Harry Potter wand and that if I was a witch at that time-honored school, I would be a Hufflepuff. I know, it's not fancy and EVERYONE wants to be a Gryfindor, but I'll say it, I would be a Hufflepuff. And my patronus would be a floppy eared bunny named Pugsley because, why the hell not? [At this point, I was at like minute 7 of the 25 minute hair drying experience. Tom had shoved a bar of soap into the wall-mounted hair dryer to force it to stay on because I was whining. I know, I know, me... whine? Shocking. And almost impossible to imagine. On rare occasion, it does happen, though. And poor Tom just watches the crazy unfold.]
Still drying my hair, I then began to ponder the European shower experience, having just completed it for the day. Showers in Europe have these strings with a little plastic thing at the bottom. For a long time, I thought it was for travelers to hang their clothes on when they wash them in the shower. You know, you're putzing around Europe for a month and want to wash your delicates. And then someone told me that it's an emergency signal. Which made me begin to wonder if there is a rash of shower-related injuries in Europe. Are people falling all of the time in these confusingly small little showers? They drop the soap and in an attempt to bend down to pick it up they get stuck? I mean, it's plausible. The "space pod" shower is very popular.... I was now entering minute 17 of hair drying and began to ponder pulling the emergency cable, just to see who would come. The little hamster that runs my brain saw it like the Beacon of Gondor from Lord of the Rings letting all of Middle Earth know that they need assistance. I expected the Rohirrim to crash through the door to my aid. (If you haven't seen LoTR, first of all, watch it. This instant if you can manage. By fiscal quarter is really the best way and director's cut. I'm always available. [Puts LoTR Marathon in my calendar as "Important Meeting"]) Anywho, I'm a chicken shit and didn't pull it. Because as I was pondering pulling it, I remembered that time that I called 911 as a child just to see what would happen and you know what? 911 calls you back! And lectures you. And that's scary. So, I just forsaw the Rohirrim getting all decked out and riding in from New Zealand just to discover that I wasn't in any peril aside from a case of the crankies and my hair still not dry and how their lecture would probably be REALLY scary....
But Umbria! It was great! That about sums it up! Of note:
1. We had the most fantastic meal at Redibis in Bevagna. New-Italian, the bastard child of Italian food and openly called such by "real Italians," is amazing. You know what? In America we bastardize everything. And we love it that way! So I thought that this place was freaking amazing.
2. At the urging of my co-worker, we went to Santa Maria degli Angeli (Santa Maria of the Angels) cathedral just outside of Assisi. There's this monstrously huge church there, built in 1776 (holler, America!). Inside of this monstrous church is a little church, supposedly St. Francis' original church. It was weird. One of those things that my co-worker told me was the most amazing thing and when we saw it, Tom and I both said "That's kind of weird, right? That they built a church around a church?" Also, if you are sitting just behind the little church, good luck seeing what's happening on the altar. You are just going to have to picture it mentally.
2.5 days, 6 hours of the weekend spent in the car and 6 cases of wine later, we returned to Naples and... wait for it.... someone broke into our car again. Mother effing Hubbard. They stole my headband from Pier 1 and the cable for our GPS which was in the glove box. I keep hoping that who ever broke my window is wearing that headband and it's given them lice. Special lice that hasn't taken to my hair but will flourish in their thieving hair. It's cool, I'm sure that's what you're supposed to think after spending the weekend in a city of churches.... Now go forth and do great things. And let me know if you've pulled the emergency beacon cable before, because I'm super curious if you've met the Rohirrim!
So it's hot here in Naples. And everyone's gone. And I wanted to be gone too. Our apartment is stagnantly hot. It's miserably hot. There's that weird smell of hot things probably spoiling around me, the source of which is less important to me than the idea of sitting within inches of a fan's rotating blades. With all of that in mind, we packed up the Civic and headed north to Umbria, which was equally hot, so perhaps that wasn't our best plan BUT there was crazy effective AC running in the B&B where we stayed, so va bene!
Totally unrelated to Assisi but, as I was drying my hair on the world's least efficient hair dryer at our B&B, I'm not ashamed to say that I mused. And mused and mused. I had recently read an article about the Spice Girls defining our generation on HuffPo, my go-to source for celebrity gossip (which I openly refer to as "the news"), and fancied that if this chick could get published writing about the Spice Girls that I certainly had career potential in the online writing world. (I mean, at some point in time I'll end up getting more than 36 followers, I hope. Not that I don't appreciate every single one of you who continue to read my mindless drabble each passing week(ish)) BUT ANYWAY! There I was, using this horrifically slow hair dryer and thinking about how it looked like a Harry Potter wand and that if I was a witch at that time-honored school, I would be a Hufflepuff. I know, it's not fancy and EVERYONE wants to be a Gryfindor, but I'll say it, I would be a Hufflepuff. And my patronus would be a floppy eared bunny named Pugsley because, why the hell not? [At this point, I was at like minute 7 of the 25 minute hair drying experience. Tom had shoved a bar of soap into the wall-mounted hair dryer to force it to stay on because I was whining. I know, I know, me... whine? Shocking. And almost impossible to imagine. On rare occasion, it does happen, though. And poor Tom just watches the crazy unfold.]
Still drying my hair, I then began to ponder the European shower experience, having just completed it for the day. Showers in Europe have these strings with a little plastic thing at the bottom. For a long time, I thought it was for travelers to hang their clothes on when they wash them in the shower. You know, you're putzing around Europe for a month and want to wash your delicates. And then someone told me that it's an emergency signal. Which made me begin to wonder if there is a rash of shower-related injuries in Europe. Are people falling all of the time in these confusingly small little showers? They drop the soap and in an attempt to bend down to pick it up they get stuck? I mean, it's plausible. The "space pod" shower is very popular.... I was now entering minute 17 of hair drying and began to ponder pulling the emergency cable, just to see who would come. The little hamster that runs my brain saw it like the Beacon of Gondor from Lord of the Rings letting all of Middle Earth know that they need assistance. I expected the Rohirrim to crash through the door to my aid. (If you haven't seen LoTR, first of all, watch it. This instant if you can manage. By fiscal quarter is really the best way and director's cut. I'm always available. [Puts LoTR Marathon in my calendar as "Important Meeting"]) Anywho, I'm a chicken shit and didn't pull it. Because as I was pondering pulling it, I remembered that time that I called 911 as a child just to see what would happen and you know what? 911 calls you back! And lectures you. And that's scary. So, I just forsaw the Rohirrim getting all decked out and riding in from New Zealand just to discover that I wasn't in any peril aside from a case of the crankies and my hair still not dry and how their lecture would probably be REALLY scary....
But Umbria! It was great! That about sums it up! Of note:
1. We had the most fantastic meal at Redibis in Bevagna. New-Italian, the bastard child of Italian food and openly called such by "real Italians," is amazing. You know what? In America we bastardize everything. And we love it that way! So I thought that this place was freaking amazing.
2. At the urging of my co-worker, we went to Santa Maria degli Angeli (Santa Maria of the Angels) cathedral just outside of Assisi. There's this monstrously huge church there, built in 1776 (holler, America!). Inside of this monstrous church is a little church, supposedly St. Francis' original church. It was weird. One of those things that my co-worker told me was the most amazing thing and when we saw it, Tom and I both said "That's kind of weird, right? That they built a church around a church?" Also, if you are sitting just behind the little church, good luck seeing what's happening on the altar. You are just going to have to picture it mentally.
2.5 days, 6 hours of the weekend spent in the car and 6 cases of wine later, we returned to Naples and... wait for it.... someone broke into our car again. Mother effing Hubbard. They stole my headband from Pier 1 and the cable for our GPS which was in the glove box. I keep hoping that who ever broke my window is wearing that headband and it's given them lice. Special lice that hasn't taken to my hair but will flourish in their thieving hair. It's cool, I'm sure that's what you're supposed to think after spending the weekend in a city of churches.... Now go forth and do great things. And let me know if you've pulled the emergency beacon cable before, because I'm super curious if you've met the Rohirrim!
I do agree with you on the emergency cable thing - what if you pulled it and then you felt someone pull back, that would be scary....
ReplyDeletePeter, you make a very valid point! There could be creatures living in the walls.... Oh the precarious nature of bathing in Europe!
ReplyDeleteAnyway to watch the full episode again? Started watching it on HGTV last friday and got distracted. Would love to watch the episode in full again. Thanks, Joshua
ReplyDelete