"Maid"en Voyage

Our hotel room is a relatively good size but when you're in it for nearly a month, it starts to feel small.  It feels even smaller when there are two cats roaming about, scattering kitty litter and fur where ever they please.  Because of these two little vermon, as Tom affectionately refers to them, the maids won't clean the room unless they are crated and because they were so traumatized by their crates during their 12 hour incarceration on the flight over here, I didn't want to put them back into their crates.  So, we have kept a "Do Not Distrub" sign on the door for nearly a month and put the trash outside each morning and towels outside at other random intervals.  The system works well, the maids don't have to clean our room and we don't have to search for cats who are freaked out by the mere sound of Italian voices and rolling carts outside the door. 
Except that they are required to come in and clean the room at some interval, it certainly isn't weekly, maybe bi-weekly?  I don't know.  And so today, at long last, the one maid knocked on the door and said "Clean today."  Our maids, it must be noted, speak very little English and must hate these interactions with Americans who speak very little to no Italian.  Our maid, I can confirm, knows how to say the following:

1. No problem - There must be some Italian person telling all Italians that this is a very common English phrase because I have heard that from about 1,000 Italians.  No problem covers just about any situation, whether it's applicable or not.  Examples: 1) "We need to find a place that fits two cars" Response: "No problem"  2) "Can you wait for me to find my cats before you come in?"  Response: "No problem" but then they came into the room....  We'll come back to this

2. Clean today

3. No English

So, back to the fiasco, which in hind sight wasn't nearly as bad as some of our other fiascos, so I'll just call it a humorous encounter.  The maids were charging at the door and I turned to the most beloved and saving app that Apple has on the iPhone: Google Translate.  I cannot thank Nathan Jacobsen enough for telling me to get this app.  It seriously is my saving grace in a country where I barely speak the language and watching E! News in Italian is not really improving my skills that much.  I typed into ol' Google Translate "Give me 1 minute.  I need to find the cats."  "No problem"  See?  They love that phrase!

I found Sprout between the sheets.  She thinks if she hides under the covers that we can't find her.  This has become a problem as I've tossed my purse on the bed only to crush my 11 pound cat about 10 times.  Sorry, Sprout!  I flung her, claws out and making sounds like I'd just run her over with a pick-up, into the bathroom and began shaking the cat treats wildly to get Flit to come out.  No luck.  Searched under the bedskirt, no luck.  At this point, the 1 minute was up and the maids came in.  They are really sweet and super nice and I felt really bad that I had been asleep at 9:30 in the morning while they were busily doing their jobs.  Mi dispiace!!  (I'm sorry)

I was trying to tell them not to go into the bathroom ("bagno") but that didn't seem to come across.  I pointed to the door and said "gatto" and that seemed to solve the problem.  But here I was, sunburned, unbathed and in my PJ's, looking like the typical American slob with unbrushed hair, as two Italian maids were changing the sheets on our two beds.  This is when I began to worry that Flit, who was most likely behind the bed, would see them and freak out.  I typed "One cat is in the bathroom, the other is under the bed" into my phone and handed it to the maid.  She made the most horrified face in response.  "He is very scared and I don't think he will come out" I typed again.  She typed back "I am very scared of cats."  Oh hell.  The one maid made up the bed on her own, as her counterpart vacuumed the carpet and raced out of the room with deliberate speed.  I think it was the fastest room cleaning that they have ever done.  But, we now have clean sheets, a vacuumed rug, and fresh trash bags. 

It took the cats exactly 1 hour to determine that the room was safe again.  They are now roaming around, acting like bad-asses, and walking across the keyboard of my laptop to prove that they aren't afraid of me.  Congrats, cats, you have put me in my place but were terrified of a 90 pound Italian lady.  Great job all the way around.